Go West, Young PTSD Woman

My plan after my last blog post, about the disconcerting energy vibrating above my chest, was to make a practice of pranic breathing three times a day to break up and release that energy–in addition to my usual once-a-day Trauma Releasing Exercises.

I picked three times a day because my body still thinks we’re in 1968 and gets nervous on the same schedule as it did back then.

Anyhoo, I did pretty good with the 3X pranic breathing the first couple days, but then I found myself doing it only twice a day, then once a day because…well, gosh, I had too much to do!!!!

We’re relocating from Chicago to Arizona and I’m getting rid of so much stuff, donating clothes and furniture to a church, putting aside family things for family, setting appointments with moving companies for estimates, creating my schedule for apartment and house hunting (I’m going alone for a week in June because it would be too much for Jack. He had heart surgery in December and he’s decades older than me) and so on.

It’s totally irrational, when I think about it, that when I need to take stress-relieving measures most, I skip it.

I wake up with energy surges shooting down my arms (a sign I’m under a lot of stress) and think the solution is to do as much as I possibly can as fast as I possibly can.

That does not relieve my stress EVER.

It leads my usual hypervigilance into insane territory.

So I’m back to doing the breathing three times a day and it is definitely helping. It breaks down my body’s sense of EMERGENCY!!! and eases me back into sane thinking and sane mph.

I had an interesting experience the first night of the first day I began my pranic breathing practice. (Three ten-minute periods.)

When I laid me down to sleep, the vibrating energy was still there condensed in the upper left-hand side above my chest. I focused on it, and asked the energy or my body/mind a few questions like, What are you trying to tell me? Are you an emotion? What is this energy? How can I best break this up or release it?

Pretty soon, I found myself falling into a deeply relaxed state. As happens about half the time when I ask my body/mind or Spirit a question, I got a screen shot involuntarily projected in my mind.

It was of a half-open door. Peeking around it were a blue light and a pink light looking at me.

My eyes popped open.

What the heck?

I couldn’t understand the message.

Pink is often related to unconditional love and blue with tranquility. How did that relate to the condensed vibrating energy? And how could colors look at me?

When I described it to Jack the next day, I said it was almost like they were two kids peeking around the door right at the doorknob. Maybe they were little boy and girl angels!

Who knows? But the great thing is the condensed vibrating energy disappeared after that.

I don’t know if it had to do with pranic breathing or the pink and blue energies or with something else.

It’s a mystery.

When I was going through my closets, I found some preliminary drawings I made for a book I wrote a couple years ago called My Husband’s Toes (under the name Lori O’Connell). It’s about how one day, when Jack was sleeping, his toes started talking to me. I got to know them all, had long conversations with each, listened to their hopes and dreams and tried to help bring them to fruition. Although not all the toes had laudable ambitions. In this drawing, the big toe, who said he was Mussolini in a former life, demands a desert landscape be implanted on Jack’s foot. (I didn’t end up illustrating the book. I didn’t have enough expertise and finesse to create what I wanted. It looks like the big toe has dragon-head-bumps or something.)

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7 thoughts on “Go West, Young PTSD Woman

  1. Oh, I was waiting for the rest of the toes to tell their stories!
    i confess, I let a few days pass without mediating. And though I’m not under the stress of moving, which is a big one, I do stress very easily and meditation calms me; brings back the sanity as you put it. That’s on my to do list topper this morning.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I loved writing the toe stories. The PTSD life can be so intense, I have to do whimsical stuff to keep my sanity!

      I just woke up. I plan to do my breathing, TRE and meditation today for sure. : )

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh. I never thought of that!!

      I used to have fantasy flashes of mountains and sunsets and wide open spaces. I guess they weren’t fantasy after all. Hooray!! : )

      P.S. Mussolini eventually changed his personality. He just didn’t know any other way to be until he was shown a little love.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It feels good to have your company on our move west!

    (I don’t know if Mussolini really reincarnated as my husband’s toe, but in my whimsical stories, there’s always a happy ending!)

    Have a great day, too!!

    Like

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